How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
