You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
