Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
