i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
