he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
