I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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