My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
