Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
