So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize