There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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