Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
