dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I touched a dick in church today
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
