Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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