critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
