went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
