You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
