Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
