Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its about making memories worth repressing
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
