I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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