I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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