why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
