fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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