You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
