Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
