her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
