I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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