That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
