the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
