Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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