Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
my poor anus
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
