8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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