And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
