We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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