mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
