i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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