all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
