No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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