Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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