Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
