did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize