I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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