you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
