Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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