I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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