final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
