ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
