Got a toothbrush?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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