OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
