And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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