I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
