he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
