in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
