His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize