Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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