Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
