It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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