Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
