Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
