Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
