I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
