I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
