bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He passed out mid-signature
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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