i may or may not be watching the land before time
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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