You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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