she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
