I bet he comes in French.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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