So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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