Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
