Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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