jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
