So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
