I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
