How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
