My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
