90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize