I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
